Tell them all what it feels like not to be with you anymore
I doubt they care.
[Mads Langer - Lovesong, no]
hekti kuin ikuisuus...
It's supposed to be winter but the weather is still stuck in fall somewhere. Most of the leaves disappeared, making the world look a little greyer, but it could as well be March, the last few weeks before it finally gets green.
I miss the snow, a wonderland of white, of glitter in the air. No, I think I know very well what I actually miss. It's getting worse every day. I thought it was bad in summer, but now it's a constant sting, like a hole in my heart, or in my soul, or both, I don't know.
"We will go down we will drown drown, deeper down
The river wild will be our last ride
We will go down we will drown drown, deeper down
The mills grind slow in a riverbed ghost town"[Nightwish: Imaginaerum - Ghost River]
I'm currently listening to Nightwish's Imaginaerum. I don't really know what to think of the record, I guess it needs to grow on me. Taikatalvi is pure magic, though. Probably because it's Finnish, I don't know, but it's so soothing, so beautiful. Ghost river, which I quoted above, has this sort of rhythm you cannot not listen to, similarly I want my tears back. Storytime is weird... I don't like the vocals, yet the melody is so catchy that it simply stays in your mind. And then there's The crow, the owl and the dove. I can't stop listening to the song, differently from how I can't stop listening to Taikatalvi. It's the melody, something so enticing about it. Well, and then Marco's and Anette's voices go so well together.
And then there's Song of Myself, a poem more than a song. It's interesting to listen to. The voice, the dialect... well and then that one line:
And then there's Song of Myself, a poem more than a song. It's interesting to listen to. The voice, the dialect... well and then that one line:
How can you "just be yourself" when you don`t know who you are?
Stop saying "I know how you feel"
How could anyone know how another feels?[Nightwish: Imaginaerum - Song of Myself]
Guess that's relevant, eh?
It's frustrating, to a certain extend, to know how true it is. It's another critical time... as if September and October haven't been enough. I'm supposed to see the shrink again on Wednesday. Not even going because I'll be at my parents' for sewing. Screw that. I haven't even called her yet, and I don't know how to. Well, she's the one who said I actually don't have any problem at all. Gotta love my vivid imagination. -.-°
Not much more. Got my love back, the past two weeks have been going mostly well. We've been to the Christmas market with Christiane and stuff. Lots of fun. :) We went to the one at Neumarkt last night but it was terribly crowded. I mean sure, what do you expect on a Sunday night, but still. We found this Lonkero-sign at the tinsign-stand, still stoked. I mean come on, nobody knows Lonkero here, and it was like the first sign we saw. We're gonna put it up in the kitchen some time this week. Heheh. It's like some inside joke, really xD Either way, it's gonna look great.
Not much more. Got my love back, the past two weeks have been going mostly well. We've been to the Christmas market with Christiane and stuff. Lots of fun. :) We went to the one at Neumarkt last night but it was terribly crowded. I mean sure, what do you expect on a Sunday night, but still. We found this Lonkero-sign at the tinsign-stand, still stoked. I mean come on, nobody knows Lonkero here, and it was like the first sign we saw. We're gonna put it up in the kitchen some time this week. Heheh. It's like some inside joke, really xD Either way, it's gonna look great.
I keep getting these flashbacks today. Sitting in our shared flat in Puistola, watching TVD and eating those sourcream&onion crisps. Running along the cliffs on Suomenlinna. Sitting in the mids of reeds in Viikki - spending the whole day outside, returning home starved, with a slight headache from squinting in the bright sun, but unbelievably happy. Swedish lessons and lunch at Svenska högskolan. Stockholm. Tallinn. Seagulls calling. ...
I'm gonna come back to walk these streets again.
Now this is not the time or the place
for a broken-hearted,
'cause this is the end of the rainbow
where no one can be too sad
No I don't wanna leave
but I must keep moving ahead
'cause my life belongs to the other side
behind the great ocean's waves
Bye bye, Hollywood Hills
I'm gonna miss you wherever I go
I'm gonna come back to walk these streets again
Bye bye, Hollywood Hills forever
Thank you for the morning walks on the sweet sunset
And for the hot night moments
For the fantasy in my bed
I take part of you with me now
and you won't get it back
and a part of me will stay here,
you can keep it forever, dear
Bye bye, Hollywood Hills
I'm gonna miss you wherever I go
I'm gonna come back to walk these streets again
Remember that we had fun together
Bye bye, Rodeo Girls
I'm gonna love you wherever I go
I'm gonna come back so we can play together
Bye bye, Hollywood Hills forever
Long distance love doesn't work
All the miles in between getting naughty
No I don't wanna go
I don't wanna go
Bye bye, Hollywood Hills
I'm gonna miss you wherever I go
I'm gonna come back to walk these streets again
Bye bye...
Bye bye, Hollywood Hills
I'm gonna miss you, wherever I go
I'm gonna come back to walk these streets again
Remember that we had fun together
Bye bye, Rodeo Girls
I'm gonna love you, wherever I go
I'm gonna come back so we can play together
Bye bye, Hollywood Hills forever
[Sunrise Ave]
Joka. ikinen. sana.
Enää 5 viikkoa.
we are shining and we'll never be afraid again...
Well. I tried to blog like a million times these past two weeks but somehow I was too caught up.
First of all, Mads Langer's concert was breathtakingly beautiful. I wasn't sure what to expect, but the acoustics where spellbinding. His whole performance was. Ever since that Sunday, I actually want to go to Denmark and see one of his shows there. Especially since I saw the pic from his concert at Koncerthuset in København... wow.
Secondly, I'm still completely hoocked on Florence+the Machine. I got pretty much stuck with the favourites that already showed up after the first few times. I never really listen to Seven Devils and Spectrum... there's something about the songs I don't get. Never let me go however is probably my most frequently played song by now. It's so absolutely flawless...
Quite a lot of stuff going on lately, last Tuesday I got to see my lovely boy again and then I went sewing last Wednesday. Mum&dad came here on Saturday and we took a walk to the pond and through the developing area and they actually love the surroundings. I had to take the stairs 3 times that day because or elevator was broken. 3 times. that's 160 steps each single time, right? The best thing about that? - No sore muscles afterwards! Ha! Actually my brother and sis-in-law wanted to come here, too, with the little man, but we postponed the meeting because we didn't really want them to come up all those stairs with him. I mean I'm sure he would have loved it, but if he takes the steps himself it's going to take an hour until he's here and he's obviously to heavy to carry all the way :D
First of all, Mads Langer's concert was breathtakingly beautiful. I wasn't sure what to expect, but the acoustics where spellbinding. His whole performance was. Ever since that Sunday, I actually want to go to Denmark and see one of his shows there. Especially since I saw the pic from his concert at Koncerthuset in København... wow.
Secondly, I'm still completely hoocked on Florence+the Machine. I got pretty much stuck with the favourites that already showed up after the first few times. I never really listen to Seven Devils and Spectrum... there's something about the songs I don't get. Never let me go however is probably my most frequently played song by now. It's so absolutely flawless...
Quite a lot of stuff going on lately, last Tuesday I got to see my lovely boy again and then I went sewing last Wednesday. Mum&dad came here on Saturday and we took a walk to the pond and through the developing area and they actually love the surroundings. I had to take the stairs 3 times that day because or elevator was broken. 3 times. that's 160 steps each single time, right? The best thing about that? - No sore muscles afterwards! Ha! Actually my brother and sis-in-law wanted to come here, too, with the little man, but we postponed the meeting because we didn't really want them to come up all those stairs with him. I mean I'm sure he would have loved it, but if he takes the steps himself it's going to take an hour until he's here and he's obviously to heavy to carry all the way :D
Maike visited me on Monday and we checked out the Christmas markets, which was fun because the weather was so beautiful and we could spent the entire day outside and had plenty of chance to talk. I love this, really, we're seeing each other so much lately and it's really important to me to have this bond. It's amazing! :)
Yesterday I was at my parents' again, for sewing today. I'm almost finished with 3 Christmas presents, now I still have to do Maike's and the one for my love. I found a pattern today which is pretty awesome, so I guess I can get that done before Christmas, too. Yay me.
Similarly important, I "celebrated" my website's two year anniversary yesterday and got such a huge amount of love and appreciation that I got a little fuzzier every time I logged in to facebook. I can't even express how important this is to me. Sure, it's aiming for gold stars, but I need them so desperately after this summer&autumn and it's simply amazing to finally see that people appreciate what I'm doing.
It makes me sad, too, because it's the most important thing I have going on hobby-wise, and yet it won't get me anywhere professionally. Sigh. But no thoughts about this right now.
Yesterday I was at my parents' again, for sewing today. I'm almost finished with 3 Christmas presents, now I still have to do Maike's and the one for my love. I found a pattern today which is pretty awesome, so I guess I can get that done before Christmas, too. Yay me.
Similarly important, I "celebrated" my website's two year anniversary yesterday and got such a huge amount of love and appreciation that I got a little fuzzier every time I logged in to facebook. I can't even express how important this is to me. Sure, it's aiming for gold stars, but I need them so desperately after this summer&autumn and it's simply amazing to finally see that people appreciate what I'm doing.
It makes me sad, too, because it's the most important thing I have going on hobby-wise, and yet it won't get me anywhere professionally. Sigh. But no thoughts about this right now.
My love is going to be back on Sunday and I can't WAIT. She's been complaining about her friend a lot and that's totally justified, but I'm just not going to say anything about that because I don't understand her (the friend) anyways. Doesn't matter now, what counts is that I'll get my girl back and that we have the whole advent-time together and then I'm gonna drag her straight back to Finland after Christmas, as if she hadn't been there all month xD I can't wait to have some time together again, even though it's going to be stressful as hell for he because of the BA, but I'll try to shut the hell up and be there. I can't wait to watch shows together again, or just fall asleep next to her, or be able to cuddle and kiss and hold hands as much as I want
Well well. Endless day tomorrow, guess I should go to bed. I might be meeting Christiane for Christmas markets, but I still have to go to 2x90mins of lectures, blah. Gotta get up in time tomorrow lest I'm late again.
Still counting the days till Sunday... :)
Reflections still look the same to me
So. I ended up buying the new Florence&the Machine -record Ceremonials without ever truly having heard anything about her. I mean it's an artist everyone seems to talk about and everyone seems to love to pieces, but I never really got around listening to her because I was too busy with my own stuff music to check it out. Well, looks like I missed out on something because, frankly - this woman is amazing. I can't even begin to describe how obsessed I am with No Light, no light
... and the rest of the record will surely bring out some more favourites. Like Never let me go. Or Breaking Down Or the gospel-ish Lover to lover, or Heartlines, or All this and Heaven too. Notice something? There's only 12 tracks on the actual record, that's as good as half of it and I haven't even listened to the specials on CDII yet. So stoked. ^__^'
Tomorrow I'll finally get to see my 2010 great musical love, Mads Langer. It's so weird when one little song refuses to get out of your mind and then, when you decide to take a closer look, you discover a whole new world. I mean all through the last year, his music has been some sort of stronghold cementing connections and memories. Stille før Storm will always make me think of the darkest -and yet lightest- November I've ever experienced and will forever put me in a Christmas mood, seeing the lights illuminate Aleksanterinkatu and the rest of the city in sombre afternoon hours.
Remains of You will always mirror my feelings towards this home, this haven, even though the song is probably about a relationship gone wrong. - And well maybe that is precisely why it will always remind me. Imagination tempts me with a smile, draws me in and leaves me running wild. No sedation to swallow with my pride. An avalanche is breaking loose and I can't hide. -- The stars are falling like rain, crashing all around my head tonight, and a dark sky is all that remains of you. I don't know, it just wraps it up completely. Every line. Realization that I must have let go, and I'm still spinning all alone.
Remains of You will always mirror my feelings towards this home, this haven, even though the song is probably about a relationship gone wrong. - And well maybe that is precisely why it will always remind me. Imagination tempts me with a smile, draws me in and leaves me running wild. No sedation to swallow with my pride. An avalanche is breaking loose and I can't hide. -- The stars are falling like rain, crashing all around my head tonight, and a dark sky is all that remains of you. I don't know, it just wraps it up completely. Every line. Realization that I must have let go, and I'm still spinning all alone.
Either way, tomorrow's the show. I still have to look up directions (even though Maike is going to drive, I guess), the outfit's decided. Nope, I'll never get over that part. XD I'm a little concered I'm just going to cry all the time, but even if I will I'm sure it's going to be worth every single tear.
Even though I went to see theBaseballs just a few weeks ago and it was totally awesome (did anyone expect anything else) I feel like I haven't been on a show ever since Uniklubi performed at VirginOil in April. Like... whoa.
I'm a little concerned because I wasn't in the best shape when seeing theBaseballs and left the hall like 2 times or something because it was so incredibly hot and crowded and I sort of panicked because of my blood-pressure, resulting in me missing a couple of songs. Well, in a 2h15min performance that's not too much of a let-down, but still. Bummer. I hope I'll be fine tomorrow, but then I'm sure the venue won't hold 2000 people... ^^ I'll just wait and see what happens - and drink enough!
I had the worst flashback on Thursday when I came from Aqualand with Christiane. The situation was so much of a parallel to our trip to Serena in Espoo that I ended up being completely disoriented and startled every time people in the train started speaking because I expected them to speak Finnish, but they didn't. I was miserable by the time I reached home, but got through it after all. I had to pay with a little lack of sleep, but then Friday payed up for that because I got to spend the afternoon with my lovely little boy all alone for the first time. I mean I babysat him before but then he was asleep! Yesterday I actually got to pick him up from daycare. He's the most adorable thing ever, all he did when I came in was walking up to me and giving me the lovliest hug, letting me pick him up and carry him. All cuddly, the little man ^_^' He even sat in the buggy without any discussion whatsoever, I was completely surprised. He let me push him all the way home, telling me all kinds of things about the surroundings as usual. It's amazing, his 2-syllable words first turned into 4-syllable ones, sometimes he's even forming really short sentences already. What really makes me laugh is when he immitates things he picks up at home, like Oh nein or Meine Güte XD It's just so funny! He also remembers things, games we played before. And he has quite the mind of his own!! Britta took us grocery-shopping when she came home, so I also got to explore escalators and elevators together with him, as well as a shoestore and just ... everything. :)
I'm still waiting for the download to finish. It's so amazing I get to see Kuorosota thanks to Kati, I'm really enjoying the show and yah, being a fangirl or not, I really think Hämeenkyrö is doing really really well. As is Jussi. Even though his clothing style is completely ridiculous and he totally needs a stylist. Maybe Gekko will do. ... :D
It's weird though, calling a truce after years. It's amazing, I'm actually happy things were worked out because all of this was completely unnecessary and useless but... still :) I never really let myself reflect on it because that's how things change and people grow up and it's a good thing, but actually it makes me think about myself and my past decisions. It's weird how some things grow less and less relevant and how easy it is to see past things... well. It's too late to walk down memory lane right now.
I'm curious whether I'll dream weird stuff again this night after the past nights had dreamy visitors of two very unlikely gentleman, one of them causing an argument between me and my love XD My dreams keep getting better. XD
Calling it a night now... :)
Even though I went to see theBaseballs just a few weeks ago and it was totally awesome (did anyone expect anything else) I feel like I haven't been on a show ever since Uniklubi performed at VirginOil in April. Like... whoa.
I'm a little concerned because I wasn't in the best shape when seeing theBaseballs and left the hall like 2 times or something because it was so incredibly hot and crowded and I sort of panicked because of my blood-pressure, resulting in me missing a couple of songs. Well, in a 2h15min performance that's not too much of a let-down, but still. Bummer. I hope I'll be fine tomorrow, but then I'm sure the venue won't hold 2000 people... ^^ I'll just wait and see what happens - and drink enough!
I had the worst flashback on Thursday when I came from Aqualand with Christiane. The situation was so much of a parallel to our trip to Serena in Espoo that I ended up being completely disoriented and startled every time people in the train started speaking because I expected them to speak Finnish, but they didn't. I was miserable by the time I reached home, but got through it after all. I had to pay with a little lack of sleep, but then Friday payed up for that because I got to spend the afternoon with my lovely little boy all alone for the first time. I mean I babysat him before but then he was asleep! Yesterday I actually got to pick him up from daycare. He's the most adorable thing ever, all he did when I came in was walking up to me and giving me the lovliest hug, letting me pick him up and carry him. All cuddly, the little man ^_^' He even sat in the buggy without any discussion whatsoever, I was completely surprised. He let me push him all the way home, telling me all kinds of things about the surroundings as usual. It's amazing, his 2-syllable words first turned into 4-syllable ones, sometimes he's even forming really short sentences already. What really makes me laugh is when he immitates things he picks up at home, like Oh nein or Meine Güte XD It's just so funny! He also remembers things, games we played before. And he has quite the mind of his own!! Britta took us grocery-shopping when she came home, so I also got to explore escalators and elevators together with him, as well as a shoestore and just ... everything. :)
I'm still waiting for the download to finish. It's so amazing I get to see Kuorosota thanks to Kati, I'm really enjoying the show and yah, being a fangirl or not, I really think Hämeenkyrö is doing really really well. As is Jussi. Even though his clothing style is completely ridiculous and he totally needs a stylist. Maybe Gekko will do. ... :D
It's weird though, calling a truce after years. It's amazing, I'm actually happy things were worked out because all of this was completely unnecessary and useless but... still :) I never really let myself reflect on it because that's how things change and people grow up and it's a good thing, but actually it makes me think about myself and my past decisions. It's weird how some things grow less and less relevant and how easy it is to see past things... well. It's too late to walk down memory lane right now.
I'm curious whether I'll dream weird stuff again this night after the past nights had dreamy visitors of two very unlikely gentleman, one of them causing an argument between me and my love XD My dreams keep getting better. XD
Calling it a night now... :)
Tell me what you want me to say
can't stop listening to the song.
You are the hole in my head
You are the space in my bed
You are the silence in between
What I thought and what I said
You are the night-time fear
You are the morning when it's clear
When it's over your start
You're my head
You're my heart
No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day
You can choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay
No light, no light
No light
Tell me what you want me to say
Through the crowded islands
Crying out at me
In your place there were a thousand other faces
I will disappear in plain sight
Heaven help me
I need to make it right
You are the revelation
You are to get it right
And it's a conversation
I just can't have tonight
You want a revelation
Some kind of revolution
You are the revelation
No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day
You can choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay
No light, no light
No light
Tell me what you want me to say
But would you leave me,
If I told you what I've done
And would you leave me
If I told you what I've become
'Cause it's so easy,
To sing it to a crowd
But it's so hard, my love
To say it to you, all alone
No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day,
You can choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay
No light, no light
No light
Tell me what you want me to say
You are the revelation
You are to get it right
But, it's a conversation
I just can't have tonight
You are the revelation
Some kind of resolution.
You are the revelation.
You are the revelation
You are to get it right.
But, it's a conversation,
I just can't have tonight.
You are the revelation
Some kind of revolution
Tell me what you want me to say
[Florence&the Machine - No light, no light]
You are the space in my bed
You are the silence in between
What I thought and what I said
You are the night-time fear
You are the morning when it's clear
When it's over your start
You're my head
You're my heart
No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day
You can choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay
No light, no light
No light
Tell me what you want me to say
Through the crowded islands
Crying out at me
In your place there were a thousand other faces
I will disappear in plain sight
Heaven help me
I need to make it right
You are the revelation
You are to get it right
And it's a conversation
I just can't have tonight
You want a revelation
Some kind of revolution
You are the revelation
No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day
You can choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay
No light, no light
No light
Tell me what you want me to say
But would you leave me,
If I told you what I've done
And would you leave me
If I told you what I've become
'Cause it's so easy,
To sing it to a crowd
But it's so hard, my love
To say it to you, all alone
No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day,
You can choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay
No light, no light
No light
Tell me what you want me to say
You are the revelation
You are to get it right
But, it's a conversation
I just can't have tonight
You are the revelation
Some kind of resolution.
You are the revelation.
You are the revelation
You are to get it right.
But, it's a conversation,
I just can't have tonight.
You are the revelation
Some kind of revolution
Tell me what you want me to say
[Florence&the Machine - No light, no light]
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