- A dark sky is all that remains of you...: March 2011

30days. #16 - 19

Lol, I suck at those things. So here's a few more, even though I cannot really decide on anything at all for the next ones.

Day 16 - A song I used to love but now hate

Uuuhm ...I don't hate it, I've just listened to it for too many million times :D It still works live for me, but I hardly ever listen to it:

lol.

Uniklubi - Rakkautta ja Piikkilankaa

Day 17 - A song that I hear often on the radio

Erm... yah. I don't listen to the radio. However, my mum say that this is on the radio often these days. Aaand since I love him and love that he gets airtime in Germany, I'm gonna choose this:

Mads Langer - You're not alone

Day 18 - A song that I wish I heard on the radio.

I still don't listen to the radio. And they should play the Glee/Warblers' version of Teenage Dream because it's a lot better than the original, because I love the show, and because of Darren. *nods earnestly*

Glee / Warblers - Teenage Dream

Day 19 - A song from my favourite album

Oh, really?

Uniklubi - Luotisade

What a surprise!! Song title = album title. No comment on that one. :) The song was also an alternative for the "reminds you of somewhere", because I was in Savonlinna when the song - or 30secs of it - came out. It probably was the day we had the lectures on music because it was in another building ... it was raining outside and I listened to the sample a couple of times more than I initially would've needed, but I couldn't have walked home in that rain, could I? ;)

~~day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate~~

~~day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio~~

~~day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio~~

~~day 19 - a song from your favorite album~~

day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry

day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy

day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad

day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding

day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral

day 25 - a song that makes you laugh

day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument

day 27 - a song that you wish you could play

day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty

day 29 - a song from your childhood

day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

blah.

I'm in this terribly sullen/sulky/bitchy mood today ... or, well, ever since I've tried working on the page and stuff.

In a lighter note, I managed to get up in time all week, so a big YAY for me, Swedish was ok, only that definite adjectives and predicatives confuse me, even though it's apparently the same system in German, after that I quickly did some grocery shopping, went home, watched Glee 2x14 for lack of a new ep, did my daily tidying ... which needs explanation, I guess. As I mentioned I'm reading Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project and one of the striking ideas was The one minute rule. - Everything that can be done or put away in less then a minute can be done immediately. Surprisingly, it's not even hard to follow the rule, and so I've been making bed and putting together my leftover stuff from the morning every day when I come back from uni for a week or something, i.e my room has NOT been in a messy condition for one week continously. It's extremely effective.
I've also tried keeping up with my One Sentence Journal but that still needs a little practice, AND I'm trying not to nag that much, which needs even more practice.
The problem is that I'm such a freaking attention whore, so first of all, I want my "gold stars" every once in a while (be it a thanks for the translations or my love acknowledging tiny stupid nonsense stuff I'm doing) and secondly, I'm such a sucker for feedback. Sometimes I simply need a fucking reply, just a 160 signs' textmessage, and it drives me INSANE when I don't get any even though I've sent the third on one day. Blah. Working on that, now. My loophole was writing into what I felt like nagging about into said journal. Cheating? Doesn't matter. :D

I DID complain about webs, though. After I spent an hour translating yesterday I actually wanted to do an update - of course - but the editor wouldn't let me move the content box from the bottom of the page to the top where I need, so I had to reload the page a zillion times and in the end gave up. Same happened today and I really exploded at some point. I mean, seriously!?!! GAAH! But well.
Somebody offered me to make "my" layout for the page, so later I hope I can do some graphic-discussion with Anne, let her do some texture, resize the header and do something with the logo, ask her about what colours she thinks would fit and then I'll send in a sketch of the whole thing and get my codes. Ha. It looks good in pencil :D not sure if it will work out, though. I just really hope so, because webs and their templates are driving me insane and I finally want something pretty and individual and fitting the band and all. ... Or something. Guess I need another gold star. :-S

I also need to rant about the weather. Like ... what the HELL? We had a little snowstorm earlier, clouds gathering and then all of a sudden it was totally dark, storm came up and it was snowing like hell [can it snow in hell?] after 45mins all was calm again, there even were some blue patches in the sky. So I guess it's April and I've just missed something. Grml. It's also freakishly cold and I'm SO sick of that wind. D:

Maybe I should do something else for now. -.-

Wisdom hides in mistakes

Let's try a non-musical entry for once. - Not saying I'm not going to talk about music. ... Cause first of all, I went to see Matthau Mikojan at Semifinal yesterday and it was a great evening and a good show even though there only were some 20 people present. The guys seemed to have fun nevertheless and played a good set. As always fun to watch them. The songs are pretty good too, I even bought the record after I still didn't get the last one as a CD. Listening to it right now. I like how it sounds a little different from the previous stuff (espeically lyrically), but that there's still the same feeling to it, the same style. Really good :)
Met Alisa at the show, so good to talk to her again. The last shows we met at basically just had us saying hello but now that we finally had some time & space to talk it was really nice. Kinda brought back the memories of some previous vacations, nights spent at Rooster and so on. We talked about virtually everything - student life, Tampere, Finland, music, Uniklubi, the website (I feel so read when I talk to her when it comes to that) ... some other things.
Guess I can say I'm lucky to have dared stepping out of that downward spiral, to have burned some ramshackle bridges. Like I wrote in a mail earlier this week, being here opened my eyes to so many things concerning ... well, anything, really, And even though it took some time to sink in and still isn't absolutely settled, I slowly feel like I can breathe again without feeling disrupted. It was a very long process, starting ... wow, two and a half years ago already, I suppose, and by now I really feel like there's a chance to recover. I've taken the necessary steps ... maybe time will tell.

Well. It's incredibly stormy outside, it's almost a little scary. This morning we had a little snow storm, only that at the same time you could still see the sun shining. Very weird. It started snowing again and again all morning, but now it's mostly been sunny. And cold. And stormy. Kylmä ja tuulinen at its best.
Anne booked her flights for Easter and we decided yesterday that we're going to Salo on Saturday. Yay. Marika asked me about it last week and said it was in travelling distance - turns out it is, so #20 will be Salo, not HKI, and together with Anne again. As much as I loved going to the shows with the girls, I've missed seeing them with her, so I'm extra happy now.
Oh, speaking of. Show last Friday was ... interesting. :D I mean, it's always a little harder when the audience doesn't really play along and I've definitely seen better crowds, but it was a great show and I had lots of fun. Good to see the gentlemen in such a good mood and so self-ironic. Setlist was a little shorter than usual but then they didn't have the stage for themselves (which is too bad) - still missing the "big" songs, but when have I ever NOT missed anything on the setlist? - Right. :)

Uni's going fine, even though I'm a bit of a lazy ass these days. Well. I'll survive :D Lots of work ahead on the weekend, let's see how I can keep up with it.
I also started reading Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project last week and I really have to say that I like it a lot. I've found some really good ideas, even though I don't think I could work with the underlying system. It is, nevertheless, a very motivating book and definitely worth a thought or two. Really cool.
Aaand I think that's about it.
I think now I've finally found my motivation to do some translating and until I'm finish I guess the day is sort of over :D Anne is seeing friends tonight so I'll be a little bored the later it gets and we don't get to skype, but I'll figure something out. :)

Off to work. ^^

#12 - #15

Back to business with the 30days of music thing.

Day 12 - A song from a band I hate

I was going to skip day 12 because other than most people, I tend not "hate" music: I just don't listen to it and eventually ignore the artist in question, in other words: I don't badmouth it either. However, now that the creepiest person in the world of Finnish music has tragically put his (its?) band to an end, I will have to post this video:

Fintelligens feat Lauri Tähkä.

I wouldn't say I hate Lauri Tähkä. But that FACE creeps the HELL out of me. I'm not a fan of hiphop either. So... let's pretend I hate.

Day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure

Eminem ft Rihanna - Love the way you lie

Look back to day 1 and ignore what I just said about "not hating." I spent a lot of time hating Rihanna. However, I still imagine Eminem staring at her with a intimidating glare, telling her, listen, little missy, if you screw up the vocals on this one as well, i guarantee you i will do ... - something bad.

So, for once, she didn't. In fact, didn't screw up at all.

The song is also a guilty pleasure for Mr Dominic Monaghan in the video, who will always and forever be Merry... - and Simon Campos, who - sorry - happened to be a little guilty pleasure to look at on that show.

So ... yah. Greatsong.

Day 14 - A song that no one would expect me to love

I'll think about that again XD probably each and every song on Glee. XD

Day 15 - A song that descibes me

Glee Kurt / Rachel - Defying Gravity
[originally from Wicked]

The recording might not be the best but I couldn't decide whether to put Kurt's or Rachel's resp. Chris' or Lea's version, but then I found them both singing it and that's probably the best it can get. Pay attention to the lyrics. - Yah. I guess that's me. :)

day 01 - your favorite song
day 02 - your least favorite song
day 03 - a song that makes you happy
day 04 - a song that makes you sad
day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone
day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere
day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event

~~day 08 - a song that you know all the words to~~

~~day 09 - a song that you can dance to~~

~~day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep~~

~~day 11 - a song from your favorite band~~

~~day 12 - a song from a band you hate~~

~~day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure~~

~~day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love~~

~~day 15 - a song that describes you~~

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate

day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio

day 19 - a song from your favorite album

day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry

day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy

day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad

day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding

day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral

day 25 - a song that makes you laugh

day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument

day 27 - a song that you wish you could play

day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty

day 29 - a song from your childhood

day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Defying gravity

"Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye,
I'm defying gravity
And won't bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you won't bring me down.I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you won't bring me down.

Bring me down."

[originally on Wicked]

Your good isn't good enough.

GET IT RIGHT!

Wrong in all the right ways

Looking forward to Uniklubi tonight.

Rakkaudesta Hulluuteen #19 ^____^

My turn.

"All that work and what did it get me?

Why did I do it?

What did it get me?

Scrapbooks full of me in the background.

Give 'em love and what does it get ya?

What does it get ya?

One quick look as each of 'em leaves you.

All your life and what does it get ya?

Thanks a lot and out with the garbage,

They take bows and you're battin' zero.

[...]

Well, someone tell me, when is it my turn?

Don't I get a dream for myself?

Starting now it's gonna be my turn.

Gangway, world, get off of my runway!

Starting now I bat a thousand!

This time, boys, I'm taking the bows"

Your lack of social competence is nauseating.

I don't think I've ever met anyone so self-centered.

Thank you

- For being such a monumental disappointment.

Dead.end

time.out

"Wir müssen das nicht tun

dann sagt der eine was,

der andere was.

Wir müssen das nicht tun

und dann, der eine schweigt,

der andere weint

Und beiden tut es Leid

Und dann die Stille,

eine Stille, die
die dümmsten Sachen sagen lässt

damit nur keine Stille ist

Wir müssen das nicht tun

es liegt an mir, echt nur an mir
Es liegt wirklich nicht an dir

All die dummen kleinen Sätze, die nur helfen wollen

sie helfen immer nur,

immer nur dem, der sie sagt

und helfen niemals dem

der sie hört

ungefragt

Ich will 'nen weißen Raum

lichtdurchflutet, völlig leer

Mit dem Wissen um die Welt

nur anders als bisher

Mit wirklich großen Fenstern

Der Aussicht meilenweit

Mit dir sein

Und dann sag nur

Und danach nichts mehr

Wir müssen das nicht tun

wenn die Tränen getrocknet sind

Wir müssen das nicht tun

melden, wenn man nichts zu melden hat

Wir müssen uns nicht erinnern

und nicht erzählen wie wir gut zusammen waren

Ja, auch gut in all den Jahren

Wir müssen das nicht tun

Wenn's ein Scherbenhaufen ist

Ich bin auch nicht gerade stolz darauf

wie's gelaufen ist

Und jedes miese Ende findet jeden fiesen Traum

Alles was ich jetzt will

ist ein weißer, heller Raum

Und dann im Angesicht dir gegenüber

Ein letztes Mal begegnen und danach nie wieder

Deine Hand auf meiner

und du beugst dich vor an mein Ohr

Und dann sag nur

Und danach nichts mehr

Ein kleiner Punkt am Horizont

der langsam wächst

und stetig näher kommt

Durchs offene Fenster

ein leichter Wind

und am Ende sehen

wer wir wirklich, wirklich sind

Ein letzter Satz jetzt

Ein leichtes Nicken

Die letzten Wörter

in Augenblicken

Und es ist gut so

und folgerichtig

Sag zum Abschied leise

'Fick dich.'"

Kettcar - Wir müssen das nicht tun

#08 - #11

Day 08 - A song that I know all the words to

There's way too many of those XD But, since I just listened to it again, I'll go with:

Apocalyptica ft. Brent Smith - Not strong enough.

One of the most powerful songs ever.

Day 09 - A song that I can dance to

Anything by the Baseballs.

The Baseballs - Hot'n Cold

Day 10 - A song that makes me fall asleep

There's no music that's boring enough to make me fall asleep!!! A song that makes me calm down when I cannot fall asleep, however, would be:

A Fire Inside - Morning Star

Day 11 - A song from my favourite band

another?! XP

Uniklubi - Maailma puhaltaa

- because i love the video and because i love the song and because i love them, of course :)

day 08 - a song that you know all the words to
day 09 - a song that you can dance to
day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
day 11 - a song from your favorite band
day 12 - a song from a band you hate

day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure

day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love

day 15 - a song that describes you

Maybe someday

No I won't do it again, I don't want to pretend

If it can't be like before I've got to let it end

I don't want what I was, I had a change of head

But maybe someday...

Yeah maybe someday

I've got to let it go and leave it gone

Just walk away, stop it going on

Get too scared to jump if i wait too long

But maybe someday...

I'll see you smile as you call my name

Start to feel, and it feels the same

And I know that maybe someday's come

Maybe someday's come again

So tell me someday's come, tell me some days come again...

No I won't do it some more, doesn't take any sense

If it can't be like it was, I've got to let it rest

I don't want what I did, I had a change of tense

But maybe someday...

I'll see you smile as you call my name

Start to feel, and it feels the same

And I know that maybe someday's come

Maybe someday's come...

If I could do it again maybe just once more

Think I could make it work like I did it before

If I could try it out

If I could just be sure

That maybe someday is the last time

Yeah maybe someday is the end

Oh maybe someday is when it all stops

Or maybe someday always comes again...

[The Cure]

#7

Day 07 - A song that reminds me of a certain event

Uniklubi - Rakkaudesta Hulluuteen

Hämyvestarit, August 2008. Heard 30seconds of the song a day before in the "livingroom" at Hostel Sofia, Tampere - over and over and over again. :D Rakkaudesta Hulluuteen brings back the memories of the whole summer, actually, but mostly the incredible roadtrip to Hämeenkyrö. "It says K:koski, it HAS to go there." - "There's a Shell! We have to get off the bus!" - "Let's just ask at Ventiili. Omg what a spooky place" - "The ice hall? That's about 200m" - "I'd say you have to go some 2km" - "If you walk 5km down that road, it'll be right there".

"Hei there's Pasi." - "That's not Pasi. That's his brother." - "Pasi doesn't have a brother." - "Oh. But then he ... looks ... like Pasi."

13°C and sunshine have NEVER been so cold.

"Das ist Jannes Oma!" - "oh!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ... OMG SHH! I think he heard that!!"

"Ilmeisesti ymmärrät suomea hyvin. Tai ainakin sanoit "kyllä" tai "ei" oikealla hetkella"

- The whole trip is one of my favourite memories ever :)

day 08 - a song that you know all the words to

day 09 - a song that you can dance to

day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep

day 11 - a song from your favorite band

day 12 - a song from a band you hate

day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure

day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love

day 15 - a song that describes you

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate

day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio

day 19 - a song from your favorite album

day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry

day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy

day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad

day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding

day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral

day 25 - a song that makes you laugh

day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument

day 27 - a song that you wish you could play

day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty

day 29 - a song from your childhood

day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

#6

Day 06 - A song that reminds me of somewhere

Nightwish - Meadows of Heaven

On the way from Helsinki to Tampere, May 2008. I booked a week's vacation to be on my own, to be back, to make up my mind about things. Two nights in HKI, the rest in TRE. In the bus from the capital to Tampere, right in the last minutes, I listened to that song. At the point where the lyrics go "Dreambound for life" Tampereen Näsinneula comes into sight, and so the song always remembers me of Tampere (and the other way around), which also made it impossible to listen to all throughout 2009. It's better now, but the song is still painful to a certain extend.

A beautiful song, and definitely the most beautiful lovesong for a place I've ever heard. But well. Tuomas will always be a poet. <3

~~day 01 - your favorite song~~

~~day 02 - your least favorite song~~

~~day 03 - a song that makes you happy~~

~~day 04 - a song that makes you sad~~

~~day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone~~

~~day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere~~

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event

day 08 - a song that you know all the words to

day 09 - a song that you can dance to

day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep

day 11 - a song from your favorite band

day 12 - a song from a band you hate

day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure

day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love

day 15 - a song that describes you

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate

day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio

day 19 - a song from your favorite album

day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry

day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy

day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad

day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding

day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral

day 25 - a song that makes you laugh

day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument

day 27 - a song that you wish you could play

day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty

day 29 - a song from your childhood

day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

postscriptum

Irina,
sometimes just saying your name makes you real again. I miss you, even though we haven't talked to each other for years. I miss reading your writings even though they sometimes were so shocking and depressive. I miss your stories about Emily&Miles. About Fee&Vendi - about your Held. About Angel. I miss your fairies. Mars. Your beautiful patriot feelings for your home. Your "Lebenswert". Violet. The pictures of your beautiful place. Your butterflies. How you never forgot to call me Englischgenie, even though it's been such a long time.

I've always believed in you. I've always thought that there must be more. For you. More life. More love. More light. I always believed your story to have a happy ending.
To read that you're still alive in October was a miracle come true. I hadn't truly believed that you lost ... and yet it was my biggest fear all summer. I even told my girlfriend. Irina, I never told your story to anyone, out of respect, but I had to tell her because after I read what had happened to you - after Held's entries to your blog - I was so scared. So scared for you. And I prayed so much that you wouldn't lose your own war.
I wonder where you are now. What you are doing ... how you feel. Whether you are still fighting. I wished. I wished you were. You never believed yourself to be strong and you never seemed to want to be called strong, but to me, you always were. The strongest woman I ever knew.

I read old postings today - back in the forum where we met. Where you accompanied me, where we wrote the most meaningful messages. I cannot help to think we've lost each other because my life and interests changed so rapidly in 2005. But then I know that it's only time that changed. - Changed us.

As always, I wish you all the best.
A lot of strength.
You deserve to live, Irina. You deserve to win this war.