nice.

So I did most of my homework yesterday ... which leaves me with nothing to do today. Except, of course, for that wonderful text I still have to write ... *gnaah* I really don't know what to say about the question. What do I expect ... well, what do I expect? Serioously, if I had two pages of expectations concerning that university I guess I would be quite lost in the first place, because, after all, two pages of expectations might be a tiny little bit over the top, even for Finland. Frankly, I simply don't know what I expect. I wanted to meet new people and I wanted to prove that I can do it and I wanted to know what it feels like to study at a good University, I wanted to do a lot of courses and find out how I manage them, I wanted to study Finnish and broaden my knowledge, I expected the lecturers to be nice and different and I was curious about how it is to study in a department that's bigger than ours and consequently better equipped etc. I wanted to find out whether I get along, whether I like the place for studying and whether it would be an option to study here for more than a full study year. I wanted to collect information about what perspectives I have and ... yah. I wanted to speak Finnish and learn Swedish and stuff like that. Of course I can come up with ideas, but how do you fill two pages with them? Well.

I realised that evenings are not particularly good for my mind. I feel good all day, I mean, really good, and positive and all those things, but all the bad thoughts come in the evening hours when the day is gone and I should rather be thinking about going to sleep instead of pondering on decisions and wondering what if... - it's annoying and it really wears me down. It keeps me from going to bed on time, even if I know that, when I wake up the next morning, I feel better. It's really really exhausting. 

I'm also very hard to be around lately, I guess, and I sort of shut down and try to figure it out all by myself. There are so many things on my mind and so much I desperately need to talk about that sometimes, however, - like last night and the night before - it leads to very intense conversations, with many tears and a lot of impatience. I'm also a bit of the angry kind and easily say things that are maybe a bit unjust. But well. Maybe it helps. - On the long run. Only that I don't know yet.

Weirdness.